And while I'm not sorry for anything I said, I probably could have handled it better.
I reached the end of my rope. I fell, and I took him with me. It wasn't pretty.
Today at work isn't much better. I've already gone off on one tirade. Which was louder than I thought it was, as evidenced by the fact that my co-worker from across the room (and it's a big room) came over afterward to applaud me on what I said. Oops.
Or not. I think it was something that a lot of people needed to hear.
It has been a perfect storm of incidents that has occurred to have me on my emotional edge. Or maybe I should say "ledge". Because I feel like if I don't jump off soon, I'm gonna fall off anyway.
Basically, I feel like I am taken advantage of, unappreciated, and sometimes disrespected. At work, and at home. And a million little things boiled themselves into one hot mess.
Let me be clear. These are not new issues. These are issues that I have brought to the attention of my husband and my boss (respectively) in the past. These are concerns that I have had before, and have voiced them in what I believe to be a calm and reasonable manner.
But things have not changed. In either place.
And I'd finally had enough.
So... I'd originally started writing thinking I would detail everything. But that might take days.
Here's the very abbreviated version (which is still long):
FireMan is gone 2 out of every 3 days. Including weekends, holidays, etc. He's a FireMan, it's his job. He works hard, and I appreciate the work that he does.
What I do not appreciate, is the lack of appreciation he shows to me. With him working this schedule, this means that 2 out of every 3 days I am a single working mom (sort of - you get the point). I work full time outside of the home. I am the sole caretaker of FireGirl. I do all of the household chores.
The days that he is home? He pretty much sits on the computer all day. If he's taking care of FireGirl while I'm at work, do you think he could take 5 min to put a load of laundry in? Nope. In fact, it's not unusual for me to come home to what remains of her breakfast sitting on the couch, toys strewn about the living room, dishes piled in the sink.
I understand, it's his only day off. He works hard the other two days. But seriously. I'm asking for 5-10 min to do one miserable little chore to help me out. And he refuses.
And seriously, when does Mommy get a day off? I work 5 out of every 7 days. Come home and have to be "on" to take care of FireGirl. Try to do a few chores after she goes to bed. Weekends? Usually spent running errands, being Mommy, and doing chores. When do I get a day off?
This wouldn't be too bad, I mean I do appreciate how much and how hard he works. But does he show any appreciation at all for the work that I do? Does he say "thank you"? Does he tell me how good the house looks? Does he even notice the work I put into re-doing our bathroom, or putting up the Christmas decorations? No. Nothing.
And if I say anything, he usually starts going on about how he's gone all the time and he works so hard, and blah, blah, blah.
I never said he didn't, I just want some respect & appreciation for how much I work as well. It should be mutual, and right now I really feel that it's one-sided.
I am a temp. I have been on the same assignment with the same company for nearly six years. While the individuals that I work with are awesome and treat me well, the company as a whole treats me, and every other variable worker, like crap. We are worthless. We are 2nd class citizens.
So this morning I come in to an email telling me that they've instated a new requirement, for temps only. We now must pass a quiz in order to maintain security clearance to our work area. Let me be clear, I have double-checked, and this quiz is only for temps. The full-time employees have no such requirement. It is a safety-related quiz, and I have asked multiple FT employees if they are required to take anything similar. They are not. Only temps.
I strongly feel that this is discriminatory and unethical.
If this safety quiz were so important, they would be requiring it of everyone, including FT employees. By only requiring it of temp workers, they are singling out a group of people for a specific course of action.
I lost it. Well, not at first.
I emailed our division's diversity representatives, copied my direct supervisor, and explained my position and asked that they investigate further and make sure that this new requirement meets all diversity, ethical, and legal requirements. That's all. I don't think that's bad. Probably should have been done in the first place, right?
So far, I'm being told (in a nice way), that I'm being irrational.
As you can imagine, this did not go over well. Hence my tirade.
So that's the short version. Even though it's long. I left soooooo much out of both.
I didn't mean to go off on FireMan. I didn't intend to have a tirade in the office. But I've just had enough.